Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets And Then Torn Apart By Raccoons While Being Eaten By A Gargantuan Cane Toad

by Chopping Mall

supported by

NullaDeusNullaDominos Perfect! This is exactly what I needed. Very educational. Definitely won't go near Bison now. Favorite track: Trampled By Bison.

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Record/Vinyl + Digital Album
The long-awaited double vinyl LP, expertly RE-MASTERED FOR VINYL by Sun Room Audio. One record is the color of cheese, the other record is the color of a moldy toad. Colorful gatefold jacket. Includes a 12-page lyrics booklet. VERY limited edition, only 300 copies were made! Get this collectors item NOW and add a new dimension of "what the fuck?" to your record collection. Packaged carefully with guaranteed shipping via Dripfeed Records.

Includes digital pre-order of Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets And Then Torn Apart By Raccoons While Being Eaten By A Gargantuan Cane Toad. You get 2 tracks now (streaming via the free Bandcamp app and also available as a high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more), plus the complete album the moment it’s released.

shipping out on or around May 3, 2024

edition of 300

Purchasable with gift card

$30 USD or more
Streaming + Download

Pre-order of Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets And Then Torn Apart By Raccoons While Being Eaten By A Gargantuan Cane Toad. You get 2 tracks now (streaming via the free Bandcamp app and also available as a high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more), plus the complete album the moment it’s released.

Purchasable with gift card

releases May 3, 2024

$10 USD or more

1.	Mashed Into An Unrecognizeable Pulp
2.	Forced To Eat Moldy Granola
3.	Rapid Formation Of Mold
4.	Burned By Hot Popcorn Steam
5.	Gored By A Dinosaur Skeleton That Came To Life At The Museum 01:42	lyrics	buy track
Field trip with the fuckin' school My fuckin' classmates are assholes Museum of natural history Cursed and haunted from the mummies. My teacher is a Satan-worshipper Summoning the powers of the dead Causing skeletons to come to life Ripping everyone to shreds. Dinosaur Skeleton tearing unsuspecting visitors limb from limb Stegasaur Tyranosaur Creating a new mess for the janitor Dinosaur See the gore Human meat is shredded by the raptor Revenge for Extinction Back from the dead to kill again Primordial resurrection humans are food, live dissection (Archaeological gore destruction eaten alive by dinosaur skeletons) Jurassic obliteration not enough mops at the janitor station (eaten alive by dinosaur skeletons ruins your trip to the museum)
6.	Impaled By Elephant Tusks
7.	Shitting In Joel Oalsteens Mouth
8.	Choking On Unchewed Food
9.	Pushed Down An Elevator Shaft
10.	Rotten Curdled Milk Spraying From The Mouth Of A Wizard
11.	Bubbling Liquefied Innards Simmering In A Cast Iron Cauldron
12.	Plastered In Unicorn Feces
13.	Ruined Food
14.	Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets
15.	Shut Your Kid Up
16.	Gurgling Vomit From The Mouth Of An Engorged Walrus
17.	Dismembered By Mossy Elk Antlers
18.	Shove Christmas Up Your Ass
19.	Torn To Shreds By Eagle Talons
20.	Formed Into Meatloaf
21.	Barbecue
22.	Gored By A Mammoth
23.	Torn Apart By Raccoons While Being Eaten By A Gargantuan Cane Toad
24.	Mangled By A Snowy Owl That Is Magical Friends With A Snowshoe Hare
25.	Beaten Up By Al Capone
26.	Falling Down The Stairs With A Tray Of Food
27.	Trampled By Bison 01:22	lyrics	buy track
You're a stupid tourist in Yellowstone "Please don't approach bison, leave them alone" But you did not listen to the park ranger Or read the signs warning you of the danger Give them space, don't stand your ground, bison don't want you around Keep one hundred yards away, in your car's where you should stay Leave the wildlife alone, don't take selfies with your phone This is not a petting zoo, bison will fucking kill you But to you, Instagram is more important Your greed and stupidity can't be avoided You get gored by bison, everyone looks as you're mashed into a pulp by bison hooves Give them space, don't stand your ground, bison don't want you around Keep one hundred yards away, in your car's where you should stay Leave the wildlife alone, don't take selfies with your phone This is not a petting zoo, bison will fucking kill you Trampled by bison Trampled by bison Trampled by bison Trampled by bison Bison!!!
28.	Pushed Into A Wood Chipper By A Big Gangly Moose
29.	Ripped To Shreds By River Otters
30.	Smoking The Dust Of Ancient Mummies
31.	Slowly Turning Into Mush

about

The classic viral deathgrind album, RE-MASTERED FOR VINYL, along with 10 NEW SONGS.

Congratulations on looking at the "about" section for "Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets And Then Torn Apart By Raccoons While Being Eaten By A Gargantuan Cane Toad" by legendary one-man deathgrind band CHOPPING MALL. You're doing the right thing here. Keep reading this, because it's important and it will help you.

This double album contains the infamous album "Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets (2020)" in its entirety, expertly RE-MASTERED for ideal high-fidelity playback quality on your home stereo record player system. As an added bonus, the last side contains a brand-new odious opus of crushing brutality, a set of NEW educational songs that we'll refer to as "Torn Apart By Raccoons While Being Eaten By A Gargantuan Cane Toad (2024)".

These songs are cautionary tales with not just pulverizing riffs, but also lyrics that deal with complex issues such as food, occupational hazards, and getting killed by forest animals. The lessons you learn from this music will probably save your life, and the lives of others, and in the end will make you a better person.

This album can be enjoyed with your family, friends, and co-workers. Try playing it at the dinner table, in the break room, at the gym, at holiday get-togethers, on road trips, or just in your basement alone because you have no friends.

The same amount of effort was put into writing this bio, as was put into writing the lyrics (each song's lyrics written in under 5 minutes).

Ask around, at school or at the office, if people have heard the new CHOPPING MALL album, Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets And Then Torn Apart By Raccoons While Being Eaten By A Gargantuan Cane Toad. Chances are they will say "no" and look at you awkwardly. They are poseurs.

This is the first deathgrind album of its kind to feature two songs about mold in a row.

This album is stupid. But you'd be quite smart to add it to your fine music collection.

credits

releases May 3, 2024

Chopping Mall is:
KOTH DOLGOMORU - Vocals, Guitars, Bass, Drums.

CREDITS:
All music and lyrics by Koth Dolgomoru.
Engineered and mixed by Koth Dolgomoru at The Rathskeller., Milwaukee WI, USA.
Mastered by Dan Coutant at Sun Room Audio.
Voice actors on track 1: Jenny McSmith and Stephanie O'Smith.
Graphic design & layout by Housewithoutwalls.
Chopping Mall logo by Putrefy Design.
Photography by Sarah Smalkowski.
Artwork and illustrations by Timbul Cahyono.
Tracks 1-21 recorded in 2020.
Tracks 22-31 recorded in 2023.

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about

Chopping Mall Milwaukee, Wisconsin

KOTH DOLGOMORU is a park ranger, naturalist, nature guide, and multi-instrumetal heavy metal musican based in Wisconsin, USA.

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